Giving Permission
Has anyone ever asked you if they should go to counseling?
If someone has asked you this, and asked you seriously, (and not in the way of, “Boy am I losing it!” as they are laughing), have you had the courage to say yes?
For over two years before I began counseling (and actually it might have been much longer than that), I had that urge, that feeling deep inside of me, that I needed to go. Filled with doubt, questions, the stigma of it, wondering what it would cost, wondering how I would ever fit into my schedule, and on and on with questions, I stopped myself from ever taking that first step. I didn't think I knew anyone that had ever went to counseling, and at the same time I was afraid to ask if any of my friends had went.
As I began to feel worse, and the more that I knew I needed to go, I began to bring it up to a few very close, trusted people in my life. And yet, I mostly got, “No, I don’t think you need to go.” Then they would offer some kind of solution of what I needed; things that were all good life recommendations. I don’t know if they were wrong; they just couldn’t see the whole picture.
Inside, I knew I needed to go, so instead of hearing that they didn’t think I needed it, I heard that it wasn’t an acceptable option. At least not for where I was at. I was fully functional on the outside. Counseling would be necessary if I wasn't able to leave my house, right?
I didn't realize that anxiety can look different in a million ways. What I saw as an all of a sudden onset of anxiety (which I didn't even have a label for at the time), was really an escalating of anxiety that had been a part of my life for a long time. Looking back, I see that it has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I am slowly beginning to see it now; all the ways it affected me while growing up and being a young adult.
I thought it was just my personality. My brain constantly spinning, the lack of ability to focus on the people around me, the lingering fear always, the need to control everything around me...that was all just the way God made me, right? No! "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7 KJV)
When I had the courage to honestly ask people in my life if I needed to go to counseling, I already knew I did. I only needed for them to give me the permission. I needed them to say that it was ok. I needed them to say that I was not the only one. I needed them to say that I hadn’t failed at life. I needed them to give encouragement, give the recommendation of where to go, and check in to see if I had called yet.
I will be forever grateful for two older women in my life. When a little over a year ago I sat at a kitchen table and said with tears in my eyes that I thought I needed to go to counseling, they said GO. Without missing a beat, they told me to go, they recommended a place, and they spoke God’s truth over the situation all in one breath. I felt such relief, because when I expected to be told once again that I was ok when I knew I wasn’t, I got the permission that I was so desperately needing instead.
I called the very next day. After waiting years, the simple act of someone saying that it was ok to go to counseling, began the biggest healing of my life. The healing that I am still very much in the middle of, but I am so thankful to be in the process of it all.
All this to say, if someone asks you if they should go to counseling, don’t be afraid to say yes. Give them the permission to go; that may be all they need. And if you are the one that has been wondering if you need to go, here is me looking you straight into the eyes, hands on your shoulders, saying GO. You are so worth it!
