Quantity Mom
If you're a mom, you know mom guilt. I don't know if there is a way around it, at least I haven't found one yet. I am currently in the middle of reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and one HUGE thing that I know I will come away with is the difference between guilt and shame. It seems that we often call shame by the wrong name and label it guilt. In simplest terms she says, "Guilt = I did something bad. Shame = I am bad." Why as mom's do we just do one thing badly, and instead feel like we are bad mothers? Most often, that is not the case.I am in a constant battle with being a stay at home mom/business owner. It is not easy, but it has always been my dream. My mom was always home with us kids, and as I aged I realized how important that was and is to me. I have always wanted to be able to find a way to be home with my kids, and yet still work at something I am passionate about. I am lucky enough to do just that, but I never dreamed of how hard it would be. I am constantly deciding whether to work, do daily household chores, or give my 100% attention to Jasper. And no matter what I choose, I feel guilty about the others, and sometimes, now that I know the true definition, I feel shame.I begin to think that I am a terrible photographer because I didn't work nearly enough hours that day. As I am pondering that thought I suddenly realize I wasn't fully paying attention to Jasper as he grabs my face and yanks my chin so that I am staring face to face with him. Then I pull up Instagram and see that I didn't do a great craft like one other mom did with her kid by 9 AM. And as I look around my house I think it should be much more tidy and clean and dinner should be made since I am home all day.No matter what I choose to dedicate my time to on any given day, something else has to give. I know that, but it does not make me feel any better about it. Then yesterday, I stumbled upon the tiny twig blog and somehow found this post. She (Hayley) stays at home with her kids, and also works from home.She wrote this:As a family, we’ve chosen that I be a “quantity time mom” at the sacrifice of some “quality time”. I could put my 2 younger guys in daycare and then spend the bits of time we have together in really intense and quality ways. BUT, we’ve chosen to spend our days in a different way.I spend lots of time with the boys, but there are hours during the day where they are playing at my feet while I’m writing, working, or joining a meeting. I’m not entirely sure which is best, quantity or quality, and I know there isn’t a right answer.Reading this just clicked with me. It must have came at just the right time, or she chose just the right words, but she spoke to me. I am definitely a quantity time mom. There is definitely no right or wrong way, but quantity is what Trevor and I have chosen for our family. As much as some days I want to just spend a few great quality hours with Jasper, the day ends up being a quantity time day. And that is ok. I know I will never be the mom doing a craft EVERY day and learning activities; that is just not me. We do some, but not lots. We do get to spend lots of time together, usually all day everyday. That is what works for us, and I am going to do my best not to beat myself up for it.What role do you choose as a mom? Does it work for you?This was last Friday, when I came across a VERY easy craft in a magazine and was feeling guilty for working all morning. :) Jasper LOVED it! You just color with washable markers on coffee filters, and then spray them with water. 
